The Dead of Winter

Winter is associated with cold and darkness. During winter, plants die, birds fly south, and bears hibernate. However, when Spring rolls around things literally burst and bloom back to life. Like Nature, human lives are often times intertwined with the symbolism of Winter and Spring.

My life lately has truly seen this. In early November, my 96 year-old great-grandmother Lillian passed away after a long,hard body and mind destroying battle with Alzheimer's and, as we later found out, cancer. Just a few weeks later, my 18 year-old cousin Jenny announced to her family, which worked its way through the grapevine, that she is pregnant. So within a month, my family has gone from death to life, sadness to happiness.

My job cut my hours down, which has given me some additional financial hardships. But, also, it gave me the opportunity to go home and be with my family for Christmas. Surprisingly, Christmas was normal. For once, my family (specifically my parents) and I did not fight about my sexuality. Although I believe it has more to do with a "don't ask, don't tell" denial mentality rather than actual acceptance, it nonetheless, was nice to be a part of the family again.

My friendships with some of my closest friends have seemingly ceased to exist because of romantic relationships, distance, and just generally a change in life priorities. At the same time, though, there has been greater closeness with some people from work and other places.

So, it seems that like me, maybe humanity as a whole works this way. Maybe we need the hard, lonely, sad, dark, and utterly depressing times to get to and appreciate the easy, joyful, loving, light, and happy things in life. I mean, what would be
the point of life otherwise? Some things I think are random and don't happen because of any reasoning. But, aren't some things fated? Destined? Planned?

Then again, why do bad things happen to good people? Why children die before their parents? Why does someone who never smoked a day in their life get lung cancer? Why do people who commit tax fraud and swindle millions upon millions out of their employees get a slap on the wrist, while the same swindled employees get hard time in jail for stealing for their families? Why are good, loving people alone and single? Why?

Perhaps, there are no answers. People are born. die. get cancer. don't get sick. laugh. cry. rich. poor. loved. unloved. People just are.

However, a part of me, the optimistic in me, sometimes wishes life was more like one of those choose your own adventure books. I feel like I've made some incredible mistakes in my past and if I could I would go back and change things. But, then I remember, my mistakes, my lonely Winter, makes me stronger and brings me to that Spring, that glorious Spring, full of child-like wonder and love. So, I just need to remind myself, that I am worth it; I will get through this Winter (with money worries, family issues, and a sad heart) to my Spring. It is out there waiting for me!

So, what do you think? Are you currently in your Winter? or Spring? comments? questions? Leave 'em below! :)

Jumping on the bored train

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn’t make sense.
NO CHEATING!

Will it be ok? You're not the one for me

How are you feeling today? As I lay me down

How do your friends see you? Hey Jude

Will you get married? How to save a life

What is your best friend’s theme song? Supermassive Black Hole

What is the story of your life? Dreamer

What was high school like? Stars

How can you get ahead in life? Malchik Gay

What is the best thing about your friends? Dirrty (LMAO)

What is tonight going to be like? Go All the Way

What is in store for the remainder of this weekend? Baby's Got Back

What song describes you? You get me

To describe your grandparents? Something There

How is your life going? Friend Like Me

What song will they play at your funeral? 2 become 1 (WTF?!?!?!)

How does the world see you? Boys & Girls

Will you have a happy life? The Space Between

What do your friends really think of you? All Along the Watchtower

Do people secretly lust after you? When I see you smile

How can I make myself happy? Don't Stop

What should you do with your life? Wanna Be A Baller

Will you ever have children? Not a love song

All I want for Christmas....

Here is my Christmas list:

-Air popcorn popper
-Fondue set
-Coffee pot
-Winco giftcard
-Powell's giftcard
-Target giftcard
-DVDs: The L Word Seasons 1-5; Grey's Anantomy Seasons 2,4; South of Nowhere Seasons 1,2; Chicago, Crash, the Number 23, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, the Chronicles of Narnia- Prince Caspien, Any of the Spiderman, Batman, or Shrek movies
-Spa package
-Trip somewhere
-World peace
-a girlfriend

What are we doing tonight Brain?

Same thing we do everynight, Pinky...try to take over the world!!! Bwahahaha...Anyways, I came across this whilst surfing the web. It is an actual 5th graders note. Lol...It looks like something my brother would write. Oh geez, I should call and find out if it's him. :p

Maybe Katie is right...

Perhaps, I've been in denial and pigeons really are evil? What do you think?

Love/Hate

I hate: When there is nothing to do at work AND then the internet decides to stop working as well.

I love: Today is my Friday. I get to stay up late and make voogles/take sexy pics for AE.

I hate: That my apartment is a fucking pig-sty and I'll have to clean all day tomorrow and possibley Wednesday.

I love: On Wednesday, I get to go see an all-female queer burlesque show with FREE drinks.

I hate: How I don't think my family wants me to come home for Thanksgiving and I will be alone then.

I love: My sister bought eggnog for us to share.

Oh no!

London is everywhere. Spotted this in downtown Portland and thought of my AE friends from the UK. :P I think I need a new hobby. lolz.

Easily Amused part deux

Hahahah...I really need to go to bed. But, hmmm...maybe ABC/Disney has this policy as well. What do you think, Grey's Anatomy and Callica fans? :p

I'm easily amused

This is proof that I have no life entirely. Anyways, look at the things boxed in red in the picture (click for larger version). Coincidence? I think not. :p

AfterEllen

How I love thee...Let me count the ways:

1. You are not blocked at work. Therefore, you keep me from being insane/bored at HELL.
2. You have awesomely intelligent and thought provoking articles/threads.
3. Oh the ladies...hot, smart, funny, sweet ladies... ;) including but not limited to: Winterskiss, Frosch, Ms. O, pumkin, Cammy, RubberDucky, Jenn, Bridget, Lindsey, Sara, purrito, EJ, GI, PA, Strict, Smith, Rad, T&T, Kimmmayyyyy!, Lizzie, AJ, Swandive, skytops, Krystal, Ikke, FYE, and Fifi. You all, especially some of you, have for the first time in my life, given me a real community of strong women. I am truly blessed to know all of you in some compacity. I know that is hard to do, to really know people online, but I feel like you have all seen the real me which I don't always show people in real life, and that I'm alright just the way I am. I hope you have felt like you could always show your real self to me. I am forever grateful for stumbling upon this awesome group of women. May all of you have love, happiness, and friendship in your life now and always! :)

Childhood Flashback

Came across this at work today on my break. Lolz...I have a dirty mind.
MY LITTLE PONY CRAWLING NEWBORN PINKIE PIE
Press this sweet pony figures back and watch her crawl her way over to you and right into your heart!

My Little Pony Pinkie Pie Pony Jumbo Plush
Every day is full of surprises for this young pony. PINKIE PIE loves to spend part of every day trying something she's never tried before!


Hasbro Play-Doh: My Little Pony Pinkie Pie Pretty Parlor Playset
Help Pinkie Pie look her very best when you "grow", cut and style her mane and tail.