LOL...so I've become utterly obsessed with this little coupling on Guiding Light known as Otalia. So much so that I've even made several fan videos. My most recent one:
for more information on my addiction (and you all should join me; we have cookies):
YouTube Clips
Big, Purple Dreams fan board
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
To my dear friend, Sam... RIP
Samage,
Even though I didn't know you very long, I'm blessed to have called you my friend. You were an amazing woman, truly the type to give the shirt off your back. You were kind and always made me laugh. You always listened and never judged. I'm going to really miss you, but I know that you are in a better place now, with no more pain. Make sure you send down some angels for us, especially Allie. I know you're gonna be smiling down and watching over us all. I love you, and I'll never forget you.
Love,
Chrissie :)
In memory:
Samantha Rae Fuller
9/1/81 12:18pm - 2/11/09 12:18pm
Even though I didn't know you very long, I'm blessed to have called you my friend. You were an amazing woman, truly the type to give the shirt off your back. You were kind and always made me laugh. You always listened and never judged. I'm going to really miss you, but I know that you are in a better place now, with no more pain. Make sure you send down some angels for us, especially Allie. I know you're gonna be smiling down and watching over us all. I love you, and I'll never forget you.
Love,
Chrissie :)
In memory:
Samantha Rae Fuller
9/1/81 12:18pm - 2/11/09 12:18pm
Friday, January 16, 2009
How do you measure a year?
Rent Cast - Seasons Of Love Lyrics
COMPANY
525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear. 525,600 minutes - how do you measure, measure a year? In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee. In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife. In 525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year in the life? How about love? How about love? How about love? Measure in love. Seasons of love.
SOLOIST 1
525,600 minutes! 525,000 journeys to plan. 525,600 minutes - how can you measure the life of a woman or man?
SOLOIST 2
In truths that she learned, or in times that he cried. In bridges he burned, or the way that she died.
COMPANY
It’s time now to sing out, though the story never ends let's celebrate remember a year in the life of friends. Remember the love! Remember the love! Remember the love! Measure in love. Seasons of love! Seasons of love
Love, I have determined, is really the meaning of life. But, it is not always that simple. Love is complicated and painful. Love is easy and joyful. Love is. People have died for love. People have lived for love. People have killed for love. People have created life for love.
Love is tricky, though. Because generally, you can choose who you are with, you cannot choose whom you love. Life is a never-ending, overlapping, and geometrical connection from me to you to her to him to him to her to you to me. Love is rarely as simple as I love you and you love me. Usually, it is much more than that.
This is the part that makes life interesting and worthwhile. How much do you love? How much do I love? How far would you go for love? How far would I go? Would you move across the world for love? Would you change your job for love? Would you leave your family for love? Would you sell all you own for love? Would you kill for love? Would you die for love? Would you lie, cheat, and steal for love? Would you give up sex for love?
As much as I would like to think I would do anything for love, maybe I won't do that, whatever that that entails. Should we all just love the one we're with since we cannot be with the one we love? With love, there comes a breaking point. How far can you bend until you break?
COMPANY
525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear. 525,600 minutes - how do you measure, measure a year? In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee. In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife. In 525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year in the life? How about love? How about love? How about love? Measure in love. Seasons of love.
SOLOIST 1
525,600 minutes! 525,000 journeys to plan. 525,600 minutes - how can you measure the life of a woman or man?
SOLOIST 2
In truths that she learned, or in times that he cried. In bridges he burned, or the way that she died.
COMPANY
It’s time now to sing out, though the story never ends let's celebrate remember a year in the life of friends. Remember the love! Remember the love! Remember the love! Measure in love. Seasons of love! Seasons of love
Love, I have determined, is really the meaning of life. But, it is not always that simple. Love is complicated and painful. Love is easy and joyful. Love is. People have died for love. People have lived for love. People have killed for love. People have created life for love.
Love is tricky, though. Because generally, you can choose who you are with, you cannot choose whom you love. Life is a never-ending, overlapping, and geometrical connection from me to you to her to him to him to her to you to me. Love is rarely as simple as I love you and you love me. Usually, it is much more than that.
This is the part that makes life interesting and worthwhile. How much do you love? How much do I love? How far would you go for love? How far would I go? Would you move across the world for love? Would you change your job for love? Would you leave your family for love? Would you sell all you own for love? Would you kill for love? Would you die for love? Would you lie, cheat, and steal for love? Would you give up sex for love?
As much as I would like to think I would do anything for love, maybe I won't do that, whatever that that entails. Should we all just love the one we're with since we cannot be with the one we love? With love, there comes a breaking point. How far can you bend until you break?
Saturday, January 3, 2009
The Dead of Winter
Winter is associated with cold and darkness. During winter, plants die, birds fly south, and bears hibernate. However, when Spring rolls around things literally burst and bloom back to life. Like Nature, human lives are often times intertwined with the symbolism of Winter and Spring.
My life lately has truly seen this. In early November, my 96 year-old great-grandmother Lillian passed away after a long,hard body and mind destroying battle with Alzheimer's and, as we later found out, cancer. Just a few weeks later, my 18 year-old cousin Jenny announced to her family, which worked its way through the grapevine, that she is pregnant. So within a month, my family has gone from death to life, sadness to happiness.
My job cut my hours down, which has given me some additional financial hardships. But, also, it gave me the opportunity to go home and be with my family for Christmas. Surprisingly, Christmas was normal. For once, my family (specifically my parents) and I did not fight about my sexuality. Although I believe it has more to do with a "don't ask, don't tell" denial mentality rather than actual acceptance, it nonetheless, was nice to be a part of the family again.
My friendships with some of my closest friends have seemingly ceased to exist because of romantic relationships, distance, and just generally a change in life priorities. At the same time, though, there has been greater closeness with some people from work and other places.
So, it seems that like me, maybe humanity as a whole works this way. Maybe we need the hard, lonely, sad, dark, and utterly depressing times to get to and appreciate the easy, joyful, loving, light, and happy things in life. I mean, what would be
the point of life otherwise? Some things I think are random and don't happen because of any reasoning. But, aren't some things fated? Destined? Planned?
Then again, why do bad things happen to good people? Why children die before their parents? Why does someone who never smoked a day in their life get lung cancer? Why do people who commit tax fraud and swindle millions upon millions out of their employees get a slap on the wrist, while the same swindled employees get hard time in jail for stealing for their families? Why are good, loving people alone and single? Why?
Perhaps, there are no answers. People are born. die. get cancer. don't get sick. laugh. cry. rich. poor. loved. unloved. People just are.
However, a part of me, the optimistic in me, sometimes wishes life was more like one of those choose your own adventure books. I feel like I've made some incredible mistakes in my past and if I could I would go back and change things. But, then I remember, my mistakes, my lonely Winter, makes me stronger and brings me to that Spring, that glorious Spring, full of child-like wonder and love. So, I just need to remind myself, that I am worth it; I will get through this Winter (with money worries, family issues, and a sad heart) to my Spring. It is out there waiting for me!
So, what do you think? Are you currently in your Winter? or Spring? comments? questions? Leave 'em below! :)
My life lately has truly seen this. In early November, my 96 year-old great-grandmother Lillian passed away after a long,hard body and mind destroying battle with Alzheimer's and, as we later found out, cancer. Just a few weeks later, my 18 year-old cousin Jenny announced to her family, which worked its way through the grapevine, that she is pregnant. So within a month, my family has gone from death to life, sadness to happiness.
My job cut my hours down, which has given me some additional financial hardships. But, also, it gave me the opportunity to go home and be with my family for Christmas. Surprisingly, Christmas was normal. For once, my family (specifically my parents) and I did not fight about my sexuality. Although I believe it has more to do with a "don't ask, don't tell" denial mentality rather than actual acceptance, it nonetheless, was nice to be a part of the family again.
My friendships with some of my closest friends have seemingly ceased to exist because of romantic relationships, distance, and just generally a change in life priorities. At the same time, though, there has been greater closeness with some people from work and other places.
So, it seems that like me, maybe humanity as a whole works this way. Maybe we need the hard, lonely, sad, dark, and utterly depressing times to get to and appreciate the easy, joyful, loving, light, and happy things in life. I mean, what would be
the point of life otherwise? Some things I think are random and don't happen because of any reasoning. But, aren't some things fated? Destined? Planned?
Then again, why do bad things happen to good people? Why children die before their parents? Why does someone who never smoked a day in their life get lung cancer? Why do people who commit tax fraud and swindle millions upon millions out of their employees get a slap on the wrist, while the same swindled employees get hard time in jail for stealing for their families? Why are good, loving people alone and single? Why?
Perhaps, there are no answers. People are born. die. get cancer. don't get sick. laugh. cry. rich. poor. loved. unloved. People just are.
However, a part of me, the optimistic in me, sometimes wishes life was more like one of those choose your own adventure books. I feel like I've made some incredible mistakes in my past and if I could I would go back and change things. But, then I remember, my mistakes, my lonely Winter, makes me stronger and brings me to that Spring, that glorious Spring, full of child-like wonder and love. So, I just need to remind myself, that I am worth it; I will get through this Winter (with money worries, family issues, and a sad heart) to my Spring. It is out there waiting for me!
So, what do you think? Are you currently in your Winter? or Spring? comments? questions? Leave 'em below! :)
Sunday, December 14, 2008
It's like you wrote this for me...
"Where I Stood"
I don't know what I've done
Or if I like what I've begun
But something told me to run
And honey you know me it's all or none
There were sounds in my head
LIttle voices whispering
That I should go and this should end
Oh and I found myself listening
'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood
See I thought love was black and white
That it was wrong or it was right
But you ain't leaving without a fight
And I think I am just as torn inside
'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood
And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all
But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you
This is what I have to do
'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood
Oh, she who dares to stand where I stood
What I want
Because I can only think about me right now, I want these things. I want to go home and play in the snow. I want to be able to find another job and pay off bills. I want her. I want to see her. I want to kiss her and I want to hold her, and make things better. I'm totally not used to this whole helpless feeling. I just wish I knew how to deal with it all. I'm not good at it. I want to do something to better myself, but I don't know how to start. I want to sit by a cozy fire. I want to eat real food. I want to stay up late tonight and sleep in tomorrow. I want to build a snowman. I want to see my friends on New Years and for there not to be awkwardness/drama. What do you want?
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Grey Skies To Blue : A Poem
As I walk down the street, feeling the wind in my hair,
I wish you were with me, instead of over there.
Although we are miles and hours apart,
I can feel you right here, right in my heart.
Today, I'll send happy thoughts over to you.
So, that you can feel me in all that you do.
I'm right next to you, by your side.
Holding your hand through life's crazy ride.
I know you're not one for mushy love songs,
but you've made everything right not wrong.
This seems so real, so right, and so true.
You took away the grey skies and turned them blue.
So blue, blue even in the dead of winter.
You've made me feel like a first-place winner.
You've crashed through my heart, melting the sadness away.
I hope we can always be together, hoping that you will stay.
I may not know what the future holds.
We're a story that's yet to unfold.
I dream that it could be something great.
I believe in things greater than fate.
I wish you were with me, instead of over there.
Although we are miles and hours apart,
I can feel you right here, right in my heart.
Today, I'll send happy thoughts over to you.
So, that you can feel me in all that you do.
I'm right next to you, by your side.
Holding your hand through life's crazy ride.
I know you're not one for mushy love songs,
but you've made everything right not wrong.
This seems so real, so right, and so true.
You took away the grey skies and turned them blue.
So blue, blue even in the dead of winter.
You've made me feel like a first-place winner.
You've crashed through my heart, melting the sadness away.
I hope we can always be together, hoping that you will stay.
I may not know what the future holds.
We're a story that's yet to unfold.
I dream that it could be something great.
I believe in things greater than fate.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
The older I get
the more I realize, that everything has a time and place and things truly happen for a reason.
Lyrics:
To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven
A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep
To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven
A time to build up,a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones, a time to gather stones together
To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven
A time of love, a time of hate
A time of war, a time of peace
A time you may embrace, a time to refrain from embracing
To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven
A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time to love, a time to hate
A time for peace, I swear its not too late
Lyrics:
To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven
A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep
To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven
A time to build up,a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones, a time to gather stones together
To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven
A time of love, a time of hate
A time of war, a time of peace
A time you may embrace, a time to refrain from embracing
To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven
A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time to love, a time to hate
A time for peace, I swear its not too late
Sunday, November 30, 2008
The Two Sides of Me
Geez, I'm in a contemplative mood today. Anyways, Amy's blog got me to thinking about my group of friends and I. Amy wrote:
This is how it is with my group of friends. I am THE only gay person out of all my straight friends (except for my gay male best friend). I feel like I have to hold back with them and can't be like "Oh, there's this girl at work" or "She's cute". Anytime I talk about women or dating, they accuse me of "always talking about my sexuality". I do agree that I talk about sex itself maybe a little too much, but my sexuality is different. Although it is just one facet of who I am, it still is a big part of me.
I feel weird that I cannot share a big part of my life with my group of friends, that I've been friends with for almost 5 years now. 5 years and a lot has happened individually, and as a group. Among us four, 3 of us dropped out of college, one graduated, one went back to school, all of us got our first full-time jobs, and one spent a year in the South in Americorps. Three of us have dealt with the death of a family member.
And, personally, in our romantic lives: one has had an unrequited love and a boyfriend (both long-distance online romances), another has just recently gotten engaged to her long-time on and off boyfriend, another has been through men (and me)like icecream and there's me- who's gone from being supposedly boy-crazy to falling in love with one of her best female friends and coming-out and dating.
And, now with one of us going to law school in Detroit and engaged, it's made me realize that they all don't know me as well as they used to. I hold back with them, and I feel like they do with me. Maybe this has nothing to do with my sexuality. Maybe this is just how life is and maybe we have all outgrown eachother. But, I don't want it to end this way.
I want it to end, if it must, like my re-occuring dream. Where one of us gets married, and we all come together one last time with our significant others. We put away all of the hurt of the past and have peace once and for all.
If your primary friend group is straight, I think a little part of you always feels like you have to be on guard, like you're hiding a small part of yourself, no matter how comfortable you are with your sexuality.
This is how it is with my group of friends. I am THE only gay person out of all my straight friends (except for my gay male best friend). I feel like I have to hold back with them and can't be like "Oh, there's this girl at work" or "She's cute". Anytime I talk about women or dating, they accuse me of "always talking about my sexuality". I do agree that I talk about sex itself maybe a little too much, but my sexuality is different. Although it is just one facet of who I am, it still is a big part of me.
I feel weird that I cannot share a big part of my life with my group of friends, that I've been friends with for almost 5 years now. 5 years and a lot has happened individually, and as a group. Among us four, 3 of us dropped out of college, one graduated, one went back to school, all of us got our first full-time jobs, and one spent a year in the South in Americorps. Three of us have dealt with the death of a family member.
And, personally, in our romantic lives: one has had an unrequited love and a boyfriend (both long-distance online romances), another has just recently gotten engaged to her long-time on and off boyfriend, another has been through men (and me)like icecream and there's me- who's gone from being supposedly boy-crazy to falling in love with one of her best female friends and coming-out and dating.
And, now with one of us going to law school in Detroit and engaged, it's made me realize that they all don't know me as well as they used to. I hold back with them, and I feel like they do with me. Maybe this has nothing to do with my sexuality. Maybe this is just how life is and maybe we have all outgrown eachother. But, I don't want it to end this way.
I want it to end, if it must, like my re-occuring dream. Where one of us gets married, and we all come together one last time with our significant others. We put away all of the hurt of the past and have peace once and for all.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Counting My Blessings
Thanksgiving has come and gone. Yesterday, although I had work, I was still able to reflect over the past year. I have decided to list everything that I'm thankful for this year.
1. Coming out- Although this has brought a lot of pain in terms of my family and friends' acceptance, I'm still thankful that I had the courage to come out. I'm the happiest I've ever been even with all the pain.
2. My friends- My friends, although it's been tough at times, have never given up on me. They could have stopped pushing me to be greater than I am, but they didn't. I'm so glad to have them in my life.
3. My family- We've had issues and difficulties but we will hopefully always be family. We will get through our current struggles. My parents will eventually get over their denial about my sexuality.
4. My faith- If I had nothing else to support me this year, I always had and will continue to have my faith in Jesus to fall back on.
5. My basic needs- I have my health (mostly), a good job, a place to live, clothes on my back, and a generally good life.
6. My online friends- When all else has failed and I've been in doubt/confused/pain/loneliness, I've always had AfterEllen and my friends there. I could never be able to fully articulate how much you all truly mean to me.
7. The little things- I'm thankful for laughter, board games, days off, sunshine, snow, cuddles, children, animals, good movies, music, and many other things.
Thanks and blessings for you all!
1. Coming out- Although this has brought a lot of pain in terms of my family and friends' acceptance, I'm still thankful that I had the courage to come out. I'm the happiest I've ever been even with all the pain.
2. My friends- My friends, although it's been tough at times, have never given up on me. They could have stopped pushing me to be greater than I am, but they didn't. I'm so glad to have them in my life.
3. My family- We've had issues and difficulties but we will hopefully always be family. We will get through our current struggles. My parents will eventually get over their denial about my sexuality.
4. My faith- If I had nothing else to support me this year, I always had and will continue to have my faith in Jesus to fall back on.
5. My basic needs- I have my health (mostly), a good job, a place to live, clothes on my back, and a generally good life.
6. My online friends- When all else has failed and I've been in doubt/confused/pain/loneliness, I've always had AfterEllen and my friends there. I could never be able to fully articulate how much you all truly mean to me.
7. The little things- I'm thankful for laughter, board games, days off, sunshine, snow, cuddles, children, animals, good movies, music, and many other things.
Thanks and blessings for you all!
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
The best...
This is the best fan video I've come across for Callie and Erica from Grey's Anatomy. It's sung by Sara Ramirez who plays Callie. Gosh, I'm upset again. :P
Monday, November 24, 2008
Love/Hate
I hate: When there is nothing to do at work AND then the internet decides to stop working as well.
I love: Today is my Friday. I get to stay up late and make voogles/take sexy pics for AE.
I hate: That my apartment is a fucking pig-sty and I'll have to clean all day tomorrow and possibley Wednesday.
I love: On Wednesday, I get to go see an all-female queer burlesque show with FREE drinks.
I hate: How I don't think my family wants me to come home for Thanksgiving and I will be alone then.
I love: My sister bought eggnog for us to share.
I love: Today is my Friday. I get to stay up late and make voogles/take sexy pics for AE.
I hate: That my apartment is a fucking pig-sty and I'll have to clean all day tomorrow and possibley Wednesday.
I love: On Wednesday, I get to go see an all-female queer burlesque show with FREE drinks.
I hate: How I don't think my family wants me to come home for Thanksgiving and I will be alone then.
I love: My sister bought eggnog for us to share.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Easily Amused part deux
Hahahah...I really need to go to bed. But, hmmm...maybe ABC/Disney has this policy as well. What do you think, Grey's Anatomy and Callica fans? :p
Friday, November 21, 2008
Hmmm...
This pretty sums up what I feel...yeah...
Scream Club's "On My Mind"
it's 5 am i'm wide awake and feelin' dumb
waitin' for a phone call that ain't gonna come
and i'm tryin' to make sense of time we spent
i'm clueless waitin' for you to give me the hint
how we went from being what i thought was connected
it is hard for me not to put it in perspective
i never required you to make a choice
but i wanted you to be excited by the sound of my voice
and somewhere along the line i became a burden
how and why exactly it happened i'm not certain
if for better or for worse
wrong or right
that i know is i am thinking of you day and night
i can't quite understand why you ignore me
do you just not feel good enough for me
or was i just a distraction from your everyday doin's
and you started feelin' bad when i was catchin' feelings
did you think it was easier just to end
than to tell me that you only want to just be friends
it's a shame you couldn't show me just a little respect
cause now i'm already done with you and onto the next
you've been
on my mind
but i'm tryin to get rid of all these feelings that i'm dealing with
on my mind
but i'm tryin to get rid of all these feelings that i'm dealing with
i believe in breathing deep
no defeat
not enough sleep
i keep my feelings mostly to myself
except in times when i need help
i hesitate to let you in
even though i know you want to be friends
i can't begin to make amends
with my fears inside
they make me spin
in the wrong direction
am i only projecting?
should i instead be looking at my own reflection?
i reject the notion of being boring
i seek the adventures that leave me scoring
in the morning, through the day, and back into the night
but i'm still trying for the person who treats me right
you're out of sight, but not out of mind
what was the reason for the two of us to find each other
in this town full of everyone else's lovers
i know i fucked up, that's plain to see
but let me know if there's a second chance for me 'cause
you've been
on my mind
but i'm tryin to get rid of all these feelings that i'm dealing with
on my mind
but i'm tryin to get rid of all these feelings that i'm dealing with
(tender forever speaks french)
you've been
on my mind
but i'm tryin to get rid of all these feelings that i'm dealing with
on my mind
but i'm tryin to get rid of all these feelings that i'm dealing with
on my mind
but i'm tryin to get rid of all these feelings that i'm dealing with
on my mind
but i'm tryin to get rid of all these feelings that i'm dealing with
pick your heart up off the ground
(on my mind)
but i'm tryin to get rid of all these feelings that i'm dealing with
pick your heart up off the ground
(on my mind)
but i'm tryin to get rid of all these feelings that i'm dealing with
pick your heart up off the ground
(on my mind)
but i'm tryin to get rid of all these feelings that i'm dealing with
pick your heart up off the ground
(on my mind)
but i'm tryin to get rid of all these feelings that i'm dealing with
Scream Club's "On My Mind"
it's 5 am i'm wide awake and feelin' dumb
waitin' for a phone call that ain't gonna come
and i'm tryin' to make sense of time we spent
i'm clueless waitin' for you to give me the hint
how we went from being what i thought was connected
it is hard for me not to put it in perspective
i never required you to make a choice
but i wanted you to be excited by the sound of my voice
and somewhere along the line i became a burden
how and why exactly it happened i'm not certain
if for better or for worse
wrong or right
that i know is i am thinking of you day and night
i can't quite understand why you ignore me
do you just not feel good enough for me
or was i just a distraction from your everyday doin's
and you started feelin' bad when i was catchin' feelings
did you think it was easier just to end
than to tell me that you only want to just be friends
it's a shame you couldn't show me just a little respect
cause now i'm already done with you and onto the next
you've been
on my mind
but i'm tryin to get rid of all these feelings that i'm dealing with
on my mind
but i'm tryin to get rid of all these feelings that i'm dealing with
i believe in breathing deep
no defeat
not enough sleep
i keep my feelings mostly to myself
except in times when i need help
i hesitate to let you in
even though i know you want to be friends
i can't begin to make amends
with my fears inside
they make me spin
in the wrong direction
am i only projecting?
should i instead be looking at my own reflection?
i reject the notion of being boring
i seek the adventures that leave me scoring
in the morning, through the day, and back into the night
but i'm still trying for the person who treats me right
you're out of sight, but not out of mind
what was the reason for the two of us to find each other
in this town full of everyone else's lovers
i know i fucked up, that's plain to see
but let me know if there's a second chance for me 'cause
you've been
on my mind
but i'm tryin to get rid of all these feelings that i'm dealing with
on my mind
but i'm tryin to get rid of all these feelings that i'm dealing with
(tender forever speaks french)
you've been
on my mind
but i'm tryin to get rid of all these feelings that i'm dealing with
on my mind
but i'm tryin to get rid of all these feelings that i'm dealing with
on my mind
but i'm tryin to get rid of all these feelings that i'm dealing with
on my mind
but i'm tryin to get rid of all these feelings that i'm dealing with
pick your heart up off the ground
(on my mind)
but i'm tryin to get rid of all these feelings that i'm dealing with
pick your heart up off the ground
(on my mind)
but i'm tryin to get rid of all these feelings that i'm dealing with
pick your heart up off the ground
(on my mind)
but i'm tryin to get rid of all these feelings that i'm dealing with
pick your heart up off the ground
(on my mind)
but i'm tryin to get rid of all these feelings that i'm dealing with
AfterEllen
How I love thee...Let me count the ways:
1. You are not blocked at work. Therefore, you keep me from being insane/bored at HELL.
2. You have awesomely intelligent and thought provoking articles/threads.
3. Oh the ladies...hot, smart, funny, sweet ladies... ;) including but not limited to: Winterskiss, Frosch, Ms. O, pumkin, Cammy, RubberDucky, Jenn, Bridget, Lindsey, Sara, purrito, EJ, GI, PA, Strict, Smith, Rad, T&T, Kimmmayyyyy!, Lizzie, AJ, Swandive, skytops, Krystal, Ikke, FYE, and Fifi. You all, especially some of you, have for the first time in my life, given me a real community of strong women. I am truly blessed to know all of you in some compacity. I know that is hard to do, to really know people online, but I feel like you have all seen the real me which I don't always show people in real life, and that I'm alright just the way I am. I hope you have felt like you could always show your real self to me. I am forever grateful for stumbling upon this awesome group of women. May all of you have love, happiness, and friendship in your life now and always! :)
1. You are not blocked at work. Therefore, you keep me from being insane/bored at HELL.
2. You have awesomely intelligent and thought provoking articles/threads.
3. Oh the ladies...hot, smart, funny, sweet ladies... ;) including but not limited to: Winterskiss, Frosch, Ms. O, pumkin, Cammy, RubberDucky, Jenn, Bridget, Lindsey, Sara, purrito, EJ, GI, PA, Strict, Smith, Rad, T&T, Kimmmayyyyy!, Lizzie, AJ, Swandive, skytops, Krystal, Ikke, FYE, and Fifi. You all, especially some of you, have for the first time in my life, given me a real community of strong women. I am truly blessed to know all of you in some compacity. I know that is hard to do, to really know people online, but I feel like you have all seen the real me which I don't always show people in real life, and that I'm alright just the way I am. I hope you have felt like you could always show your real self to me. I am forever grateful for stumbling upon this awesome group of women. May all of you have love, happiness, and friendship in your life now and always! :)
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Lust speaking tonight...
I am always a hopeless romantic, but I've been finding myself more bitter and quite honestly more horny lately. So, with these two combined, I've been feeling more inclined to have a no-strings attached, one-night stand. I don't even know where to begin to get into one of those situations. I mean I have trouble enough meeting ladies to talk to let alone take back to my place. Do you just go up to a woman and dance with her and be like "want to go back to my place and have a fuck?" Ugh...I have no idea. Seriously, I may seem like a player with all the smooth moves online, but I am truly a novice with the ladies in real life. Well, I should go to bed before I do something I regret in the morning.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Food For Thought: Hate, Ignorance, and Fear
Hate is caused by fear and ignorance.
They say that ignorance is bliss. I disagree. Your ignorance is
not my bliss. You ignore my rights of life, liberty, and
pursuit of happiness. More importantly, you ignore my very
existence. You ignore my choice to marry the one I love just
because she is of the same sex as me. You ignore me and my
representation on television. You ignore me and my voice on the
news. And, if you do show me and others like me, you show us as
stereotypes, as comedic relief.
Well, guess what? I am here. And, there are millions of others
like me. We are your neighbors, your friends, and your family.
We work at your jobs. We pay taxes like you. We live and die
for this country, all the while being forced out of fear or
other reasons to stay hidden.
But you are fearful, too. Afraid that we will ruin your
marriage. I am not asking to be married in your church. I am
asking for the same rights as you. You are afraid that I will
corrupt your family and children. I am not a pedophile. I
worked for over two years with the children of broken families
that were ruined just fine without me. You are afraid of our
"agenda". We don't have an agenda other than to be treated the
same. We are not wanting "special" rights nor extra rights. We
want the same rights as you. We are not second-class citizens.
Don't fear us. Please educate yourselves. And, then you can stop
the hate.
Because at the end of the day, don't we all look at the same
moon? Don't we all tuck our children in? Don't we all love?
Aren't we all human?
They say that ignorance is bliss. I disagree. Your ignorance is
not my bliss. You ignore my rights of life, liberty, and
pursuit of happiness. More importantly, you ignore my very
existence. You ignore my choice to marry the one I love just
because she is of the same sex as me. You ignore me and my
representation on television. You ignore me and my voice on the
news. And, if you do show me and others like me, you show us as
stereotypes, as comedic relief.
Well, guess what? I am here. And, there are millions of others
like me. We are your neighbors, your friends, and your family.
We work at your jobs. We pay taxes like you. We live and die
for this country, all the while being forced out of fear or
other reasons to stay hidden.
But you are fearful, too. Afraid that we will ruin your
marriage. I am not asking to be married in your church. I am
asking for the same rights as you. You are afraid that I will
corrupt your family and children. I am not a pedophile. I
worked for over two years with the children of broken families
that were ruined just fine without me. You are afraid of our
"agenda". We don't have an agenda other than to be treated the
same. We are not wanting "special" rights nor extra rights. We
want the same rights as you. We are not second-class citizens.
Don't fear us. Please educate yourselves. And, then you can stop
the hate.
Because at the end of the day, don't we all look at the same
moon? Don't we all tuck our children in? Don't we all love?
Aren't we all human?
I am
I am.
I am your daughter.
I am your grand-daughter.
I am your niece.
I am your cousin.
I am your sister.
I am your neighbor.
I am your friend.
I am your employee.
I am a Christain.
I am a citizen.
I am an Oregonian.
I am an American.
I may be a lesbian,
but I am also a human.
I just am.
I am your daughter.
I am your grand-daughter.
I am your niece.
I am your cousin.
I am your sister.
I am your neighbor.
I am your friend.
I am your employee.
I am a Christain.
I am a citizen.
I am an Oregonian.
I am an American.
I may be a lesbian,
but I am also a human.
I just am.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
A Connection
A Connection
You see into the depths of my soul,
making me feel like a newborn foal.
I tell you things that nobody knows,
melting away years of cold winter snows.
You make me laugh and cry out in joy,
I feel like a kid with a new Christmas toy.
I feel this real connection with you.
Is this something I've waited for? Is it true?
How can this be? Why do I feel this way?
What do you feel? And, Will you stay?
You see into the depths of my soul,
making me feel like a newborn foal.
I tell you things that nobody knows,
melting away years of cold winter snows.
You make me laugh and cry out in joy,
I feel like a kid with a new Christmas toy.
I feel this real connection with you.
Is this something I've waited for? Is it true?
How can this be? Why do I feel this way?
What do you feel? And, Will you stay?
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)