Deep Desire

my desire for you burns from deep inside
as it drips slowly down my thigh
like ice cream down a cone
just the thought of you makes me moan
i want you so bad
that it makes me feel mad
i want to be
kissing you
touching you
holding you
caressing you
licking you
until
your desire for me burns from deep inside
and it slowly drips down your thigh.

The Dead of Winter

Winter is associated with cold and darkness. During winter, plants die, birds fly south, and bears hibernate. However, when Spring rolls around things literally burst and bloom back to life. Like Nature, human lives are often times intertwined with the symbolism of Winter and Spring.

My life lately has truly seen this. In early November, my 96 year-old great-grandmother Lillian passed away after a long,hard body and mind destroying battle with Alzheimer's and, as we later found out, cancer. Just a few weeks later, my 18 year-old cousin Jenny announced to her family, which worked its way through the grapevine, that she is pregnant. So within a month, my family has gone from death to life, sadness to happiness.

My job cut my hours down, which has given me some additional financial hardships. But, also, it gave me the opportunity to go home and be with my family for Christmas. Surprisingly, Christmas was normal. For once, my family (specifically my parents) and I did not fight about my sexuality. Although I believe it has more to do with a "don't ask, don't tell" denial mentality rather than actual acceptance, it nonetheless, was nice to be a part of the family again.

My friendships with some of my closest friends have seemingly ceased to exist because of romantic relationships, distance, and just generally a change in life priorities. At the same time, though, there has been greater closeness with some people from work and other places.

So, it seems that like me, maybe humanity as a whole works this way. Maybe we need the hard, lonely, sad, dark, and utterly depressing times to get to and appreciate the easy, joyful, loving, light, and happy things in life. I mean, what would be
the point of life otherwise? Some things I think are random and don't happen because of any reasoning. But, aren't some things fated? Destined? Planned?

Then again, why do bad things happen to good people? Why children die before their parents? Why does someone who never smoked a day in their life get lung cancer? Why do people who commit tax fraud and swindle millions upon millions out of their employees get a slap on the wrist, while the same swindled employees get hard time in jail for stealing for their families? Why are good, loving people alone and single? Why?

Perhaps, there are no answers. People are born. die. get cancer. don't get sick. laugh. cry. rich. poor. loved. unloved. People just are.

However, a part of me, the optimistic in me, sometimes wishes life was more like one of those choose your own adventure books. I feel like I've made some incredible mistakes in my past and if I could I would go back and change things. But, then I remember, my mistakes, my lonely Winter, makes me stronger and brings me to that Spring, that glorious Spring, full of child-like wonder and love. So, I just need to remind myself, that I am worth it; I will get through this Winter (with money worries, family issues, and a sad heart) to my Spring. It is out there waiting for me!

So, what do you think? Are you currently in your Winter? or Spring? comments? questions? Leave 'em below! :)

It's like you wrote this for me...

"Where I Stood"

I don't know what I've done
Or if I like what I've begun
But something told me to run
And honey you know me it's all or none

There were sounds in my head
LIttle voices whispering
That I should go and this should end
Oh and I found myself listening

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood

See I thought love was black and white
That it was wrong or it was right
But you ain't leaving without a fight
And I think I am just as torn inside

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood

And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all
But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you
This is what I have to do

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood
Oh, she who dares to stand where I stood

What I want

Because I can only think about me right now, I want these things. I want to go home and play in the snow. I want to be able to find another job and pay off bills. I want her. I want to see her. I want to kiss her and I want to hold her, and make things better. I'm totally not used to this whole helpless feeling. I just wish I knew how to deal with it all. I'm not good at it. I want to do something to better myself, but I don't know how to start. I want to sit by a cozy fire. I want to eat real food. I want to stay up late tonight and sleep in tomorrow. I want to build a snowman. I want to see my friends on New Years and for there not to be awkwardness/drama. What do you want?

Grey Skies To Blue : A Poem

As I walk down the street, feeling the wind in my hair,
I wish you were with me, instead of over there.
Although we are miles and hours apart,
I can feel you right here, right in my heart.

Today, I'll send happy thoughts over to you.
So, that you can feel me in all that you do.
I'm right next to you, by your side.
Holding your hand through life's crazy ride.

I know you're not one for mushy love songs,
but you've made everything right not wrong.
This seems so real, so right, and so true.
You took away the grey skies and turned them blue.

So blue, blue even in the dead of winter.
You've made me feel like a first-place winner.
You've crashed through my heart, melting the sadness away.
I hope we can always be together, hoping that you will stay.

I may not know what the future holds.
We're a story that's yet to unfold.
I dream that it could be something great.
I believe in things greater than fate.

The older I get

the more I realize, that everything has a time and place and things truly happen for a reason.





Lyrics:
To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven

A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven

A time to build up,a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones, a time to gather stones together

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven

A time of love, a time of hate
A time of war, a time of peace
A time you may embrace, a time to refrain from embracing

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time for every purpose, under heaven

A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time to love, a time to hate
A time for peace, I swear its not too late

You've been a baddddddd pussycat!

Here's proof that some cats are evil. I knew my sister's cat, Kurt (named after deceased rocker Kurt Cobain from Nirvana) had it out for me. XD

Jumping on the bored train

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn’t make sense.
NO CHEATING!

Will it be ok? You're not the one for me

How are you feeling today? As I lay me down

How do your friends see you? Hey Jude

Will you get married? How to save a life

What is your best friend’s theme song? Supermassive Black Hole

What is the story of your life? Dreamer

What was high school like? Stars

How can you get ahead in life? Malchik Gay

What is the best thing about your friends? Dirrty (LMAO)

What is tonight going to be like? Go All the Way

What is in store for the remainder of this weekend? Baby's Got Back

What song describes you? You get me

To describe your grandparents? Something There

How is your life going? Friend Like Me

What song will they play at your funeral? 2 become 1 (WTF?!?!?!)

How does the world see you? Boys & Girls

Will you have a happy life? The Space Between

What do your friends really think of you? All Along the Watchtower

Do people secretly lust after you? When I see you smile

How can I make myself happy? Don't Stop

What should you do with your life? Wanna Be A Baller

Will you ever have children? Not a love song

All I want for Christmas....

Here is my Christmas list:

-Air popcorn popper
-Fondue set
-Coffee pot
-Winco giftcard
-Powell's giftcard
-Target giftcard
-DVDs: The L Word Seasons 1-5; Grey's Anantomy Seasons 2,4; South of Nowhere Seasons 1,2; Chicago, Crash, the Number 23, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, the Chronicles of Narnia- Prince Caspien, Any of the Spiderman, Batman, or Shrek movies
-Spa package
-Trip somewhere
-World peace
-a girlfriend

What are we doing tonight Brain?

Same thing we do everynight, Pinky...try to take over the world!!! Bwahahaha...Anyways, I came across this whilst surfing the web. It is an actual 5th graders note. Lol...It looks like something my brother would write. Oh geez, I should call and find out if it's him. :p